How to Arrange a Funeral - Many People Plan While They Are Alive

It's a challenge that most of us will have to address one day. Even if we never have to arrange a funeral for someone else there's always our own send off to think about - particularly with the sensible trend for planning funerals while we are still alive.

Are funeral arrangements in place?

Assuming you're faced with the challenge of arranging a funeral for someone else, one of the first tasks is discovering whether they've left any funeral plans. The deceased's will is a good starting point. Other possible sources of information include the following:

• A letter of wishes (perhaps stored with the will)
• An online funeral planning resource such as The Well Planned Funeral
• Recalled conversations with the deceased

If the deceased has stored funeral wishes online, you may even be notified of their wishes by the website. The information might be as simple as a choice between burial or cremation. On the other hand, you could find yourself managing an unusual funeral arrangement request such as a burial at sea.

Understand the deceased's wishes

As the person responsible for organising a funeral, you and other loved ones are responsible for fulfilling their wishes as closely as possible. Obviously, financial means and logistical practicalities must be considered when planning a funeral - not everyone will be able to have their ashes made into fireworks and blasted into the sky as writer Hunter S. Thompson's were. At this stage, you might also discover that the deceased had already made their own arrangements by subscribing to a prepaid funeral plan.

How to arrange a funeral - contact an undertaker

Once you understand the deceased's funeral wishes, you'll usually contact an undertaker. A reputable undertaker is an experienced funeral planner who'll guide you through the required procedures. Whether it's a sophisticated funeral or a simple cremation, the undertaker and their team are powerful allies at an emotionally challenging time. They've been through the process many times so draw on their expertise to help with the administrative and practical burdens that you're facing. And of course, friends and family are another valuable source of funeral help.

Practical funeral actions

A major part of the funeral will be the ceremony itself. How to arrange a funeral will depend on the deceased's beliefs; these may dictate an elaborate religious ceremony or a simple alternative funeral. Whatever its form the funeral ceremony represents the culmination of mourning and the opportunity for everyone to say goodbye to the deceased. Start making a funeral checklist as soon as you can; it's a sensible way to make sure everything is remembered. Important parts of the funeral service usually include the following:

• Decoration of the venue with flowers and/or other meaningful items
• Funeral music
• Poems or readings
• Religious rituals (if appropriate)
• Tributes and appreciations
• Committal of the deceased for burial or cremation

When the funeral's over, the mourners will typically move to a cemetery or a crematorium for the committal of the body. After this, it's usual for mourners to join the friends and family for refreshments - a wonderful opportunity to reminisce and celebrate the life of the deceased in more informally.

How to arrange a funeral - many people plan while they're alive

Increasingly, enlightened people take responsibility for their final send-off while they're still alive. From burial instructions to details of funeral flowers arrangements or a poem to be read at a funeral, it's a great way to make sure your wishes are fulfilled. Whether you do this by leaving instructions in your will, investing in a prepaid funeral plan or learn how to arrange a funeral through an online funeral planning resource will depend on your personal preferences.



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Because Memories are Forever

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Mysteries Of Vernacular: Hearse

Today, we recognize the word hearse as a vehicle that carries a coffin to a funeral. Jessica Oreck explains how this word has, at various times, described a wolf, a rake, and a frame, eventually landing at its meaning today.

Lesson and animation by Jessica Oreck.

Cremation And Permanent Remembrance

More info at http://www.remembranceprocess.com

Years ago, cremation was seen as "just cremation." Families would hear a family member say, "just cremate me." What many families didn't realize then was that such an approach could limit the ability of the family and friends to fully say goodbye to a loved one, and to successfully move through the grieving process. At the loss of a loved one, there is no such thing as "just." The emotional needs of the family and friends at the loss is exactly the same for families whether they choose cremation or burial. Learning about your choices with cremation ensures that you and your family can benefit from the time-tested approaches that help families move from grieving to remembrance.

How To Start Coping With The Death Of A Loved One

Even in the immediate aftermath of a great loss, we must embrace life through some basic survival techniques.

Step 1: Accept the inevitable
Accept that death is inevitable. Allow yourself to feel the pain knowing that the departed would not want you to suffer long.

Step 2: Avoid big decisions
Avoid making big decisions, except for those concerning arrangements for the person who has passed.

Step 3: Lean on others
Lean on others to provide what you cannot.

Step 4: Read about grief
Read about the stages of grief to alleviate fears that what you are feeling is unnatural. Don’t take misplaced anxiety or anger out on others.

Step 5: Plan gatherings
Plan for anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays, allowing family members to celebrate a life, using music, stories, or family traditions to provide comfort.

Step 6: Care for yourself
Care for yourself by maintaining a balanced diet and regular sleep. You may have lost energy and may have trouble concentrating.

Tip
Take advantage of counseling resources available locally or go online to find out more.

Step 7: Rejoin humanity
Rejoin humanity in the weeks and months afterwards. Give yourself enough time to get up and running again.

Did You Know?
Did you know? The Victorians allowed two to four years to grieve after a death.

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How To Talk To Kids About Death | Child Anxiety

Today I'm going to talk to you about how to talk to your kids about death. I know it's a very scary topic for adults and certainly it is for children, but I think what you need to do is approach it like any topic that you need to give your child information and help them with. The first thing you want to think about when you want to talk to your child about death, certainly, is their age. That their age dictates what they can understand, and that means that a very young child doesn't understand the concept of gone forever or never coming back, and by that we mean, you know, certainly, an infant, toddler, even preschooler. When you get to the school age child, they begin to understand that the person isn't coming back, and certainly by age eight, nine, ten, they understand that the person won't come back, that it could happen to anyone, it could happen at any time, and it means that your body doesn't work anymore. So they may have more fears, but they also may have a lot more questions and curiosity about what happened and some of the details. Then with teenagers they're thinking much more about the reality and again the rest of their life and what that might mean about themselves and the mortality. And they have much more abstract ways that they're thinking about it.

Now in general, if the death was someone that was important and close to that child, then you really want to look at their reactions. Now, their reactions can vary quite a bit, from feeling distress and upset and possibly reacting to just the change in the environment if they're very young children, to older children, they may worry more about themselves, about other people, and something bad happening to them or getting hurt. And teenagers really worrying about the future and what would happen, again, to other people, and is it safe?

Now, when you talk to kids about death, so you want to understand their age and what they can understand, and then when you actually sit down and talk to them, you want to use the real language. Use the appropriate words, but use them in a way that fits the child's age. But you can use the word "died" or "sick" for a very young child. You might go into more detail with a 10 year old, or certainly with a 16 year old. But the more the real information is there, then the less they're going to rely on their imagination. The more you keep something a secret, the more they think it's something scary, so the best thing you can do is get it out there in the open, let them know you're there for the true answers. That they can trust you at a time when they may feel like their world is not so safe anymore, and that when they have questions they know who to go to. Now, also remember that it's not just one conversation when something big happens in a child's life. You may tell them and you may give them some information. They may have questions. Listen to their questions. Don't think about what your questions are. Don't assume what your children are thinking about. Ask them. Listen. Watch their behavior to understand more about how they're reacting and adjusting to any kind of significant death. And then go in with more information. And then make sure to not only give information about what happened, but also talk about feelings and how to cope with those feelings, so that everybody has a way to deal with what's in their head, about thoughts, as well as what's in their heart, about feeling and whoever that special person was.

Keys To Reducing Funeral Stress

1. Even in an emergency, you have more time than you think.

One of the greatest causes of stress around planning and arranging a funeral—especially an unexpected one, is that you have to do it in a very short time. Trying to plan a funeral in just a couple of days can be extremely stressful, and frustrating. But the reality is that you have more time than you may think.

While it is true that certain aspects have to be done quickly, the actual date and arrangements for the funeral can be done on your schedule, within reason. (The exception to this is that certain religions like Judaism require strict timelines for burial.) Find a funeral home or cemetery in your area that can give you expert advice on any specific requirements.

If this is an Emergency, go to our section on Funeral Emergency or watch The Remembrance Process℠ video below for a quick overview of what needs to be done.

2. Empower your family by getting information in advance.

For many families, especially in American culture, the idea of discussing death, and funeral planning is uncomfortable. Even in families where a loved one is terminally ill, the idea of discussing funeral arrangements is often seen as morbid, or an indication that the family is “giving up” on the loved one. In addition, because information about funerals, cremation, monuments, hospice, nursing homes, has not been readily available, the subject is treated with the fear that accompanies the unknown.

The Remembrance Process℠ can provide planning materials, and information about your options and rights on-line, or over the phone, or by calling a Remembrance Provider℠. Gaining this information in advance allows families to plan in a calm and peaceful way in the privacy of their home. When you can discuss options, look at choices, and consider ways of saying goodbye to your loved one, the perspective about the funeral can change dramatically. Knowledge is power, and never more so, than about this inevitable life event. Funerals will always be stressful events, but knowing what to expect in advance, can reduce that stress tremendously.

3. Plan in advance (even shortly in advance) if you can.

Giving your family a funeral plan, may be one of the best gifts you ever give them, since it allows them to stop worrying about details, allows them to come together as a family to grieve, without distractions.

Often, a significant cause of stress in planning a funeral is the disagreement between family members over what “ dad or mom would have wanted.” Arguments can occur over whether burial or cremation is desired, what kind of casket is appropriate, what kind of service, what kind of monument, when to have the service, and how much to pay for these arrangements.

Ironically, these arguments often occur in the most loving families, where different family members have strong opinions on how to honor their deceased family member.

See information on funeral planning on this site, or find a funeral home to learn about funeral planning tools that can assist you in creating a funeral plan that is as simple or detailed as you want. You can even add information about your genealogy, choices of music, or obituary that may provide extraordinary comfort to your family not only at the time of death, but in years to come. Almost 40% of all families now choose to use hospice care as the way to make end of life a more personal and natural process. Allowing the loved one to be cared for at home, surrounded by family members, is seen by many as a tremendous advantage over a death that occurs in a hospital, that almost always has to be more impersonal.4. Explore hospice care as a way of making end of life a more natural, personal process.

In addition, many families find that the care provided by hospice nurses, chaplains, and medical and social worker professionals not only helps the terminally ill patient, but helps the family as well. These professionals are experienced in helping families say goodbye to their loved ones in personal ways, and they can also help in personalizing the care the dying person receives.

By helping make death part of a natural process, rather than a sudden and separate event, the hospice experience leads to a funeral process and event that for many is more natural, more humane, and in many cases, more spiritual than what they have experienced by dealing only with the hospital. 

For more information please visit the hospice section of this site or call one of our counselors to find a hospice or funeral home near you.

5. Budget and explore financing options for the funeral in advance.

If you have time to prepare, there are many ways to reduce the financial stress of a funeral. And your Remembrance Providers℠ can help here. Also, if you have traditional insurance, your Remembrance Provider℠ can help process this for you. In addition, Remembrance Providers℠ can discuss various approaches to making sure you get the funeral you want, in a way that matches your budget, so that you can focus on moving from grieve to remembrance. They can also tell you about final expense insurance, which is inexpensive and generally available to people 50-85.

6. Connect with a clergyman or spiritual counselor to help your family through this time.

End of life is a difficult passage, and for many families, the counsel and advice provided by experienced ministers or clergy can be a significant aid. Even for families who may not be actively involved in a church, the guidance and support of a clergyman or woman can be wonderfully comforting. In addition, many families may need advice on religious traditions that their parents observed, and which they would like to honor.

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5 Ways To Make A Memorial Personal

A memorial to a loved one is one of the most personal things you will ever have to choose in your life or for another. Here are 5 ways in which honoring the memory of the recently passed can keep their memory alive in a way unique to them.

Etching Designs

An image etched on to granite can be a particularly touching tribute to a loved one. Most symbols and pictures can be incorporated onto the memorial. Whether it be a religious symbol, type of flower or personal logo, whatever was important to your cherished person can be reflected in an etching design.

Traditional Kerbed Memorials

Kerbed memorials are ideal for those who appreciate traditional burials, a style that has been popular for many years. The entire area of the grave can be marked out by the granite edges. The interior of the memorial can be filled in with whatever would be most appropriate for your loved one, whether it be soil for growing flowers or a solid piece of granite for an elegant and clean appearance.

Special Memorials

Your loved one may have had time to make decisions as to their burial before passing, and if they desired a specially made memorial they can have their particular design made. Most ideas can be reproduced in stone, so perhaps the best way to honour your loved one would be to have something unique carved for them, such as a religious statue or even a granite bench.

Flower Container

A common feature of resting places is a flower vase which can be placed on the base of a headstone or in the center of a kerbed memorial. Although they appear frequently at burial places, this is simply because they are a lovely way to add a personal touch to your loved one's grave. Leaving flowers at a grave is a touching sentiment that is very personal to those who are being remembered and those who are remembering; leaving a favorite flower at a resting place is a dignified way of showing that they will always be remembered.

Photo Plaque

If a visual memory of your loved one would be perfect for them, ceramic or hand-etched photo plaques can be added to memorials. This adds the ultimate personal touch and a way in which the best moments of a cherished life can be immortalized  Whether ceramic or hand-carved, the photo plaque can easily be maintained as part of a granite or marble memorial.

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