How To Write And Deliver A Eulogy Step 1 of 6 - Funeral Speech - A Moment For Yourself Tutorial

At some point in our lives, we may be called, perhaps unexpectedly, to give a eulogy for a close family member. Should it fall upon your shoulders, this six-part video series was created for you. In your time of grief and need, I hope this video series helps.

This first video of the series focuses on you. The deliverer of the eulogy. The less you are anxious or worried, the better the eulogy you can deliver. It's very understandable that you may be in a place of turmoil at the moment, having lost a loved one. So it's important to center yourself and find a place of peace and calm within, or try your best to. In looking after yourself, you will be better able to think, and craft the funeral or memorial speech, and to deliver it.

I'll Remember You

This beautiful video is intended to be a gift to families who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. We know that death is difficult, stressful and confusing. We believe, however, that remembrance is good. And this touching video is a reminder of all the ways we can remember and cherish family members forever. The video is a poem and a song on film, that we hope you can watch many times—helping you begin the process of moving from grieving to remembrance.

How To Start Coping With The Death Of A Loved One

Even in the immediate aftermath of a great loss, we must embrace life through some basic survival techniques.

Step 1: Accept the inevitable
Accept that death is inevitable. Allow yourself to feel the pain knowing that the departed would not want you to suffer long.

Step 2: Avoid big decisions
Avoid making big decisions, except for those concerning arrangements for the person who has passed.

Step 3: Lean on others
Lean on others to provide what you cannot.

Step 4: Read about grief
Read about the stages of grief to alleviate fears that what you are feeling is unnatural. Don’t take misplaced anxiety or anger out on others.

Step 5: Plan gatherings
Plan for anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays, allowing family members to celebrate a life, using music, stories, or family traditions to provide comfort.

Step 6: Care for yourself
Care for yourself by maintaining a balanced diet and regular sleep. You may have lost energy and may have trouble concentrating.

Step 7: Rejoin humanity
Rejoin humanity in the weeks and months afterward. Give yourself enough time to get up and running again.

Did You Know?
Did you know? The Victorians allowed two to four years to grieve after a death.

Funeral Planning : How To Be A Pallbearer

A pallbearer is an important person in that they have been selected to carry the deceased to their final resting place. Find out why pallbearers should arrive early to funerals in order to get everything organized with help from a licensed funeral director and embalmer in this free video on funeral planning.

Funeral Etiquette: But, What Shouldn't You Do?

Don't feel that you have to stay.
If you make a visit during calling hours there's no reason your stay has to be a lengthy one.

Don't be afraid to laugh.
Remembering their loved one fondly can mean sharing a funny story or two. Just be mindful of the time and place; if others are sharing, then you may do so too. There is simply no good reason you shouldn't talk about the deceased in a happy, positive tone.

Don't feel you have to view the deceased if there is an open casket.
Act according to what is comfortable to you.

Don't allow your children to be a disturbance.
If you feel they might be, then leave them with a sitter. But, if the deceased meant something to them, it's a good idea to invite them to share in the experience.

Don't leave your cell phone on.
Switch it off before entering the funeral home, or better yet, leave it in the car. All too often, we see people checking their cell phones for messages during the services.

Don't neglect to step into the receiving line.
Simply say how sorry you are for their loss, offer up your own name and how you knew the deceased.

Don't be too hard on yourself if you make a mistake.
Everyone does, and you can be sure that an apology may be all that's needed to mend and soothe.
When it's all over, always remember to continue to offer support and love to the bereaved. The next few months are a time when grieving friends and relatives could need you most. Let them know that your support did not end with the funeral.

Butterfly Release

Many people believe that butterflies symbolize spirit, representing freedom and beauty as they take flight. When we experience the vital connection between butterflies and nature, we tend to instinctively feel that peace and harmony are truly around us. Why not invite a butterfly release to your loved one’s memorial service, to help celebrate a life lived?

A Good Goodbye | Gail Rubin | TEDxABQ

Don’t plan to die? Bad news – humans have a 100% mortality rate. Yet only 30% of us make end-of-life plans: wills or trusts, advance medical directives and pre-need funeral planning. That leaves 70% of us unprepared and devastated, not if but when a death occurs. Listen to Gail Rubin on why we avoid the topic of death and what we can do to improve end-of-life planning rates so everyone can have a good goodbye.

What Makes Life Worth Living In The Face Of Death | Lucy Kalanithi

In this deeply moving talk, Lucy Kalanithi reflects on life and purpose, sharing the story of her late husband, Paul, a young neurosurgeon who turned to writing after his terminal cancer diagnosis. "Engaging in the full range of experience -- living and dying, love and loss -- is what we get to do," Kalanithi says. "Being human doesn't happen despite suffering -- it happens within it."

Common Questions

• What is a funeral?
  The funeral is a ceremony of proven worth and value for those who mourn. It provides an opportunity for the survivors and others who share in the loss to express their love, respect, and grief. It permits facing openly and realistically the crisis that death may present. Through the funeral, the bereaved take that first step towards emotional adjustment to their loss.
• What type of service should I have?
  Only you can answer that question. The type of service conducted for the deceased, if not noted in a pre-plan, is decided by the family. The service is usually held at a place of worship or at the funeral home. The service may vary in ritual according to religious denomination or the wishes of the family. The presence of friends at this time is an acknowledgment of friendship and support. A private service is by invitation only where selected relatives and a few close friends attend the funeral service. A memorial service is usually a service without the body present and can vary in ceremony and procedures according to the family's community and religious affiliations.
• Can I personalize my funeral service?
  Absolutely, in fact, we recommend it. After all, the funeral is a celebration of life. Funeral directors are happy to discuss all options and ensure your funeral is tailored to your wishes. It may be personalized in many unique ways. Contact us at (707) 425-4697 to explore the possibilities.
• Why should we have a public viewing?
  There are many reasons to view the deceased. It is part of many cultural and ethnic traditions, and many grief specialists believe that viewing aids the grief process, by helping the bereaved recognize the reality of death. Viewing is even encouraged for children, as long as it is their desire to do so, and the process is explained well.
• Why do we need an obituary notice?
  It is helpful to friends and the community to have an obituary notice published announcing the death and type of service to be held. A notice can be placed in a local newspaper, or on the Internet.
• What do funeral directors do?
  Funeral directors are both caregivers and administrators. In their administrative duties, they make the arrangements for transportation of the body, complete all necessary paperwork, and implement the choices made by the family regarding the funeral and final disposition of the body.
  As caregivers, funeral directors are listeners, advisors, and supporters. They have experience assisting the bereaved in coping with death. Funeral directors are trained to answer questions about grief, recognize when a person is having difficulty coping, and recommend sources of professional help. Funeral directors also link survivors with support groups at the funeral home or in the community.
• What should I do if the death occurs in the middle of the night or on the weekend?
  We are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. All you need to do is place a call to us at (707) 425-4697. If you request immediate assistance, one of our professionals will be there within the hour. If the family wishes to spend a short time with the deceased to say goodbye, it's acceptable. Then they will come when your time is right.
• What should I do if a death occurs while away from home?
  Your funeral director can assist you if a death occurs anywhere on the globe. Contact your hometown funeral director of choice immediately. They will assume responsibility and coordinate the arrangements for the return of the deceased person to their community. They may engage the services of a funeral director in the place of death who will act as their agent.
• What is the purpose of embalming?
  Embalming sanitizes and preserves the body, retards the decomposition process, and enhances the appearance of a body disfigured by traumatic death or illness. It makes it possible to lengthen the time between death and the final disposition, thus allowing family members time to arrange and participate in the type of service most comforting to them. Embalming the body enables mourners to view the deceased if they wish. The emotional benefits of viewing the deceased are enormous, particularly to those having difficulty dealing with the death.
• Is embalming mandatory by law?
  No. But, certain factors of time, health, and possible legal requirements might make embalming either appropriate or necessary. Please note that embalming may be required if the deceased is being transported by air to another country where local laws need be observed.
• Is cremation a substitute for a funeral?
  No, cremation is an alternative to earth burial or entombment for the body's final disposition and often follows a traditional funeral service. We can assist you with the necessary information for a funeral with a cremation following or a memorial service.
• Can I have a visitation period and a funeral service if cremation is chosen?
  Yes. Cremation does not preclude having a visitation period and a funeral service. Cremation is simply one option for final disposition of the body.
• Is cremation as a means of disposition increasing?
  Yes, but not dramatically.
• Is it possible to have a traditional funeral if someone dies of AIDS?
  Yes, a person who dies of an AIDS-related illness is entitled to the same service options afforded to anyone else. If public viewing is consistent with local or personal customs, that option is encouraged. Touching the deceased's face or hands is perfectly safe.
• Has this cost increased significantly?
• Funeral costs have increased no faster than the consumer price index for other consumer items.
• Why are funerals so expensive?
  In some respects, funerals are a lot like weddings or birthday celebrations. The type and cost will vary according to the tastes and budget of the consumer.
  Not only that, a funeral home is a 24-hour, labor-intensive business, with extensive facilities (viewing rooms, chapels, limousines, hearses, etc.), these expenses must be factored into the cost of a funeral.
  Moreover, the cost of a funeral includes not only merchandise, like caskets but the services of a funeral director in making arrangements; filing appropriate forms; dealing with doctors, ministers, florists, newspapers, and others; and seeing to all the necessary details. Contrary to popular belief, funeral homes are largely family-owned with a modest profit margin.
• What recourse does a consumer have for poor service or overcharging?
  While most funeral homes provide outstanding services, sometimes things can go wrong. Funeral service is regulated by the Federal Trade Commission and state licensing boards. In most cases, the consumer should discuss problems with the funeral director first. If the dispute cannot be solved by talking with the funeral director, the consumer may wish to contact the FTC by contacting the Consumer Response Center by phone, toll-free, at 1-877-FTC-HELP (382-4357); TDD: 1-866-653-4261; by mail: Consumer Response Center, Federal Trade Commission, 600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, DC 20580; or on the Internet at www.ftc.gov, using the online complaint form. You may also choose to contact the local Better Business Bureau, or your state consumer protection office.
• Who pays for funerals for the indigent?
  Other than the family, there are veteran, union, and other organizational benefits to pay for funerals. Most funeral directors are aware of the various benefits and know how to obtain them for the indigent. However, funeral directors often absorb costs above and beyond what is provided by agencies to ensure the deceased a respectable burial.

Their Duty Done, Two Horses Who Led Funerals At Arlington Are Given New Homes

In our NewsHour Shares moment of the day, every morning at the Arlington Cemetery, horses and their human riders perform a choreographed funeral procession in honor of the nation’s fallen veterans. These horses usually serve for 10 years, but two recently had a need for a new home.